Well it has been a odd few days, finally back in leicester and back to my fabulous duvet which is my lovely protector from the cold. So i sit here now in my duvet ready to type another blog about my thoughts over the last few days.
First and formost i got my stiches out, finally the last shreds of hospital and doctors visits has disapeared and i wont have to go back there for a while. So my message to the doctors and nurses i have dealt with over the past few weeks is "Thankyou, you will never see me again".
I am really glad i can finally get on with the last bit of my healing and wont have to go back to a place i beleive was becoming my second home in leicester. Since i could say that i have been to the hospital more times than i have been to the town centre. In my opinion that should be backwards since i should be spending my money and realising i have none left for food.
My other thoughts travel to my friends that i missed ever so much while i was away. I love being at home but when you have grown so close to people, you really want to see them again so you can smile all the time with them.
I can honestly say i didn't realise how much i cared for them until i was separated from them all, i guess the saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder would be correct in these terms.
I missed laurens random comments, Libors constant texting, Dans big hugs and ollys stories :) Just to name a few things.
I don't think i couldve gotten through hospital without having lauren and libor visit me. They were constantly re-assuring me i was going to be fine. I will admit i was scared, first time visit in a hospital and your being told there going to take you to surgery to deal with your problem. When they told me that i was sure i was having some sort of panic attack. however i had 2 great emotional supports which i was very greatful for :)
I am glad being away from everyone and everything is over at least until christmas. when i get to home and wait for my nephew to be born. I am going to be an auntie again and it is going to be awsome.
I guess my mind recently has took a different turn. Mainly tonight. I am still shocked when i get told someone is interested in me because i always believe they could not be interested in me. however recently i was told that somebody does like me and usually i have a good grip on my emotions, always knowing what i am feeling and what is causing it but at the moment i am stumped.
I am stumped cause i don't know what my feelings are. Since i have been at uni i will admit there have been many guys who i have had a fancy for, however they have seemed like passing phases, like adjusting to uni life you might say. I have come to find that each guy i have had a fancy for has ideals i like in them and i find myself wishing that all those separate qualities i liked in each of them would accumulate into one person. (Wishful Thinking)
I know of one guy that has a lot of girls fancy him, sometimes i find it funny that he doesn't realise that he is quite a catch for a girl because if i know women he is exactly what half of the bloody women population is looking for. However i wish him luck on finding a girl that will make him truly happy because i feel that he would deserve no less than to be happily in love with a girl that makes him feel complete.
I have many friends who a guys and that have many great qualities about them, i just think women are too picky to settle for one guy and will try keep looking to find the better upgrade as someone once refered it to.
However at the end of the day it is the women who knows what she likes, same with guys they know what they like.
i guess for me i am having trouble of whether i like the idea or not. i guess i am going to have to do a lot of thinking on this subject. I warn people now if am grouchy in the morning it is because i was up all night confused :)
Recently is seems people are talking of there exs, past feelings or flings. It seriously makes you start to look back on some of the feelings you have had for different people over the years. For me only one signifcant person sticks out because i beleive that was the only person i had real feelings for. The rest i will admit i was to young to understand lol.
I will admit i loved him, i thought of him as my world and spent a lot of time with him. However i always had a term in my heard that stuck with me for ages because after a while it was how i constantly felt. 'A bird in a cage'.
It is not a nice feeling being caged, i centainly did not like and i am happy to admit i finally broke out of the cage and have been flying freely for ages and i am loving every minute of it. People have said to me that they never could beleive that i used to be a bird in a cage because i act so freely and i am laidback. I guess one never knows somebody elses past.
One person could have cheated on there girlfriend or boyfriend and you could believe them to be the most innocent person on the face of the earth. for me that was how i felt, i thought i knew him and then my worst nightmare sprung on me and i was forever a bird in a cage, able to fly but never far enough until i was pulled back.
I guess now i ind it hard to think about that reltionship because it was so hurtful but exactly the opposite at the same time it just confuses me to hell and back.
Well peeps i will have to say good night because i have been typing for a while about my random thoughts, hope i didn't bore you to much, night world x
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